I run barefoot on the cold grass.

Rain kisses my naked shoulders.

I tremble.

I call your name.

Rain answers me.

You are everywhere..

And yet—nowhere at all..

How can it be?

That you exist in everything?

How can you be the rain that kisses my shoulders and the grass that tickles my feet?

How can you be the tremble, the voice.. the rain..

How can you exist around me, and yet—not be there for me?

I call you again.

Rain answered me.

I call you again.

Rain answered me.

I call you, yet another time..

Rain answered me.

I stopped calling.

Seems like the only voice ill hear tonight, is the rain that pounds on my shoulders.

Rain seized.

You called.

I stopped listening.

On our last "official" day at school the girls had a goodbye party. Like the nature of any goodbye party, we hugged and cried and wept and like always, it turned into a tear-jerker event. That’s what happens when you entrust 15 girls to carry out a goodbye party, we think we are strong enough to dance it off, eat it off and laugh it off, but in a single moment of weakness we can break the dam and by no time, we would have released the tsunami on school grounds by our tears. What can I say? Girls! 

Amidst the release of our tsunami, my friend Sara said something that really struck a chord with me. She said, I don't think the reason we cried today is because we're leaving school or our friends, I think we cried because of the realization that everything beyond this point- will change. I never knew the true meaning of what she said, until today.

As I look around, I see 55 seniors who's lives after this day are about to change. We don't know what the future holds for us. We can only look ahead and see the beginning of a road, but not the end of it and this is what's frightening. Next year, each one of us will go to their own country, or to a country where they'll go to university and we'll leave behind a life we have known for most of our lives.

We will start a whole new life on our own. Some of us, will leave their families behind, some of us will travel many miles by air to receive their education. Some of us will get married, and some of us will stay behind and watch their friends leave one after the other- as in my case.

Change is scary, change is hard- but change is necessary. Everything will change next year; I'm not saying it will be easy. There will come times where our faith, our courage and our patience will be tested. We will fall at some points, and rise in others. We will cry at some points, and laugh in others. But no matter what happens, we will endure. We will endure because we are worth it. We are worth the opportunity of a new life, a new experience. Change is never easy, ask me! I've been in this school for fourteen years, in its new building and the old building in al Jahili. I know every brick in the school's building, every corner, every patch of grass, every tree. I can tell you when each tree was planted, and when a particular classroom was turned into a storage room. I can tell you when that caravan was built. The school holds many memories to me, every brick holds a story, every class holds a memory, and the thought of leaving that behind and adjusting to a new life? That’s pretty hard! This is a small example of the hardship of change. But I know there is no gain without pain. There is no victory without sorrow, no triumph without sacrifice, and no success without failure. We will have to give up and sacrifice a lot, in order to achieve our goals and dreams, and change is part of that sacrifice.

I look around me, and sense anticipation and fear, but I sense hope and excitement too. Class of 2006, we are destined for greatness! I can feel it in my gut, and my "Gut feeling" never fails me. Nobody knows that more than Rama, isn't my gut feeling always true? Well "my gut feeling" tells me that there will be doctors amongst us, my gut feeling tells me that amongst us there will be a successful civil engineer, a flourishing architect, the talented interior designer, the successful business woman and my gut feeling tells me too that there will be a mother amongst us inshallah. My gut feeling tells me a lot of things, but the clearest message my gut is telling me is that no matter who we will be, or what we end up doing, we will be great! When they asked Mohamed Ali the champion boxer, what would you have been if you weren’t a boxer? He said, I would have been the world's greatest in whatever I did. If I were a garbage man, I would be the world's greatest garbage man, I'd pick garbage faster than anyone has ever seen. We should take the approach of Mohamed Ali if we want to succeed in life. We should consider our selves the best of the best and believe that we are capable of achieving great things. Our souls are infinity like the beautiful Gibran Khalil Gibran said, so take the time to discover the realm of that soul within you, and I know in one of the corners of that soul, you will find greatness, and you will also know that my gut feeling is never wrong.

Every student lives and endures his academic life to stand my stand, and to speak my words. Graduation is the highest achievement of any student. We have endured 14 years of schooling and succeeded into making it to graduation, I don't know what you would call it, but I call it courage. We wouldn't have been here today without the guidance and help of many remarkable people. First, on behalf of the graduating class of 2006, I want to send our deepest gratitude and appreciation to Mrs Rima Sarriedeine, for her guidance, support, dedication and faith throughout our years of schooling, we know that no matter what we do we won't be able to give half of what you gave us. But we can promise you that we will live up to be worthy of being students in this school and students who were under your proficient direction. We will make Al-Sanawbar school proud and make you proud. We thank you for everything you gave us.

On behalf of the graduating class of 2006, I would like to thank all our teachers, from kindergarten, elementary, up through high school. I quote the words of Donald Quin to summarize the significance of all our teachers. He said, "If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. Teachers are truly exceptional human beings; they give selflessly and build generations of greater people. They mold people into greater individuals, and help us realize the potential in what we can achieve." I quote William Hundert, the lead in the movie "the emperor's club" a movie Mr. Jeffery kindly lent me, he said "However much we stumble, it is a teacher's burden always to hope, that with learning, a boys' character might be changed. And, so, the destiny of a man." To the teachers of Al Sanawbar school, you have been our privilege and our blessing, we thank you from the deepest place in our hearts.

And last but not least, we want to thank our parents and our families for their continual support, love and dedication. As much as today is our day- it is also theirs too. We take this stand before you, and we know how proud of us you are today. We will work to always keep you proud of us. You have given us so much, and today, it is our turn to give back a little of what you gave us. We love you all and are forever in debt of your sacrifices. We will make you proud.

Before closing, I would want to read to you a few words said to me by Maha, my sister who is also an artist.

She said : " Don't you feel lucky because you are created by god? Chosen to be significant in his book? He created you- You are real, you are significant. He gave you a chance in this life. Aren't you lucky just because you are alive?"

Indeed, it is a blessing alone to be alive. Nothing is ever too late, everything can be fixed, everything can be worked out and managed- you are still alive, you still have the chance. Don't let go of that chance.

God bless you all and thank you. We wish you enjoy our special evening. To the Class of 2006- lets rock and roll!

[ end of speech]

On rehersals, i cried from the first couple of paragraphs, on grad day, i promised my self not to cry because i wanted this to be perfect. I teared up on some parts when i saw all my classmates crying- but i lost it a bit on my little msg to maha ( a.k.a maxy the artist)- nobody can help but break down if you see that girl cry!

The crowd was strangly quiet and attentive. I felt my voice echo throughout the room, on previous speeches the crowd was a bit noisy, but when i was up there, i can almost listen to the hum of the Ac's. After the speech, the crowd clapped exceptionally longer, i waited for them to seize so i can say thankyou but sensed that they wont stop any sooner so i blurted thankyou and left the stage in a complete trance! LOL- After the ceremony, my teachers came to me and hugged me for my speech, male teachers came to me secretly admitting of shedding a few tears lol ;p Mr Nido, one of my favs, who used to make fun of me when he knew i was going to deliver a tear-jerker speech, actually did cry lol. I felt proud the everybody was proud of me. Teachers flocked to my mom congratulating her, My dad- although he doesn't understand good english came to me and hugged me tight whispering " you made baba proud, 3yabteni, 3yabteeni wayed fa6ami" then he secretly confessed that he was going to go up the stage after my speech and hug me, but didn't know if that was allowed lol * sweet da da*

My bro Masky who drove all the way from AD, previously rambling about how he can help " let me give you a few tips, i won best speech on my graduation yknow!" Fa6ami says: MABA- After my speech he came to me and shook his head, " speechless, just speechless.. you were gorgeous fa6ami*

All my five sisters were there- i felt really proud. I guess the people were just surprised at how i had everybody there, including my step bro masky and my other 2 step sis's. I had everybody i loved there, my family ( except for Big boss- my other step bro- who is abroad studying for his masters), My friends ( except for two dear people, OS and Lulu), my teachers ( except for mr jeff - the teacher who did that contemplative conversation with moi on previous blog entry- felt bad that he couldn't make it).

So it was my night, my moment, my stand.. my words..

I had my moment of fame, my chance to finally speak- Everybody knew that i was good with words, but i guess they didn't expect this one. My mom said that she didn't know i was that good. Ofcourse she had the my-daughter-is-the-best mom attitude, but for the first time as a spectator, she was impressed :)

To all who msged, who congratulated me- you're always in my thoughts. 3alooshy i wish you were there to hear that speech of mine, i knew that you would have been proud. Lulu, i can't wait till you come over! who have loads to disscuss, i know too that you would have been proud of me.

To all who wished me well, my preciosa cyber friends- Lofecake, crazyshame, TG- I did it! i rocked them good! ;p

To all who were lucky to be there lol- Family, friends teachers, thankyou for making this night a night to remember.

Family: Mama, baba- thankyou for being so proud of your little girl, masky thankyou for that amazing rxn of yours to my speech lol- sisters, thankyou for shedding a few tears and cheering my name like a football crowd when they called me up stage handing my diploma + awarding me the best student service award- lol that was actually a bit loud, but i didn't have time to cringe LOL, i was busy watching my step trying to balance on my mount-everest heels ;p

Friends: LB, Zarzoor, Looshie, Cookies, MiMi- thankyou for crying LOL- no actually thankyou for, hmm- for making me feel like ive reached the message across throughly like i wanted in my speech. Classmates, thankyou for the hugs, the tears.. this moment will be forzen in my memory for ever.

Teachers: Thankyou for inflating my mom's head LOL, thankyou for the hugs, the tears, male teachers, i GOTCHA BAD! LOL, mr nido, you don't have to worry about other people catching you red handed, commiting the crime of manhood- crying! its actually cute for a guy to cry LOL

Those special people who were in the audiance, who mean so much to me, thankyou, thankyou for making this a special night. Im so glad i made you proud..

Im finally graduated- Thankyou for making it not just any other graduation.. Thankyou for making it The graduation.

I carry within me an infinite world of magic and mysteries.

Mystery engulfs the heart of me; this infinite world within me is beyond my reach.

I try and hold it within borders built by my own understanding of my self,

But I fail.

These borders built by the very bricks of reason and logic are weak and frail; they cannot contain the vast growing universe that is consuming my own self.

I am growing,

And I cannot catch up.

Thoughts disguised with strange masks visit me in my hours of wakefulness.

They ask me to let go of that which I hold of reason and venture out of the comfort of my logic.

They ask me to push the limits to their breaking points.

They ask me to bend and bend,

Till I break.

Break into a new dawn..

Let go and let be.

That is their appeal,

That is my struggle.

Struggling to break loose, I fall deeper within the capture of entangling vine leaves.

And as I fall..

This feeling of security overwhelms me.

Amongst the vine leaves, amongst my capturers and in my prison,

I feel safe and strangely..

I feel at peace.

Nothing makes sense anymore,

And I find peace in that.

I find peace in chaos.

Break into a new dawn,

Break the order,

Break into chaos.

I am chaotic, and I am growing and growing into more chaos.

I find comfort in my restlessness,

I find comfort in my chaos.

I find comfort in my world,

My world of mysteries and magic.

Conquer the oblivion,

Bind it with your reality..

The matrimony of all the right reasons,

Perfection- yielded into defect.

I will be there to guide you-

Out of order,

And into chaos..

Chaos is the forbearer of order lost in the confusion of thoughts.

Perfection is said to be found in order,

But I find it in your eyes..

In the chaotic beauty of your eyes.

Beautiful chaos,

Beautiful you.

In the chaos of you- I am wounded.

I understand the pain of too much tenderness.

I understand the pain of too much loving,

I understand the pain of too much you.

At times I cannot handle it,

You are a tempest.

I am a frail flower.

I am violently torn from my grounds,

Thrown into the heart of you- I dance.

My beautiful tempest.

My beautiful chaos.

You wound me, and I smile.

Your love crucifies me,

It crowns me with thorns.

Your love is like an eagle.

You take me up, above all existence.

Then allow me to fall from such a high altitude.

And I break and shatter,

And become a bundle of broken things.

Your love then gathers me in pieces,

And completes that which has become un-whole.

I am reincarnated in your love.

I rise like a phoenix, and die like one.

How beautiful your love is,

How beautiful this chaos is.

Don't let go- not yet.

I am still whole.

Break me.

Drown me in your love.

Make me incomplete.

Chaos is you-

Order is me.

Break the order,

Revolt against them.

Rescue me,

From me..